Shatter
by agentsofthemcu
Summary: This is the problem with loving Grant Ward.


**I have no excuse for this. I was updating my profile and mulling over my dislike for Ward and this idea started knocking around in my head and wrote it in about thirty minutes. This is the darkest thing I've ever written.**

**TW: Contains scenes of rape.**

**Sorry Skyeward shippers.. well.. no I'm not. But you get the point. **

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**Here is the problem with loving Grant Ward.  
**  
You'll know he doesn't love you back. You'll just be his rookie, his trainee, someone he has to deal with because Coulson says so. You won't let yourself be disappointed every time you see his hand brush against May's just a slightest bit longer than is appropriate. It'll makes sense. _They'll _make sense.

You won't let yourself get offended when he won't so much as make eye contact with you, won't be at ease with you like he is with the others. You won't deserve the full him, the real him. You'll be nothing special, nothing out of the ordinary. He won't be _yours _and you'll have no right to want him to be.

**Here is the problem with loving Grant Ward.  
**  
You'll give up and kiss him when it seems like you're about to die, and he'll kiss you back. Gentle but firm, like he'd wanted this just as bad as you have, though you'll know it's impossible. But that look in his eyes before he'll go to what you'll be sure is certain death will make you second guess. Did he love you as you did him? No, surely not.

He'll live, and it will be all you can do to resist throwing your arms around him and kissing him again, to see if you're delusional or not.

He'll come back for you at Providence, using phrases like 'us' and acting like he's absolutely thrilled about the whole situation. He'll be injured but it won't stop you kissing him again, desperate and elated and angry that you hadn't kissed him sooner.

**Here is the problem with loving Grant Ward.  
**  
He'll be Hydra. He'll be a killer. He'll be everything you've _ever _stood against. Koenig, Hand…. Countless others he'll have murdered.

You'll realize that the paraplegic man he shot was not only not the Clairvoyant, but that he _knew _it wasn't. He was lying when he said that he killed him out of desperation to protect you. He'll have killed the innocent man to lure those who trusted him into a false sense of security.

He won't know you know that though, so you'll allow him to kiss you, to press his mouth against your neck. You'll allow yourself to whimper under his touch when he pins you against the Bus' kitchen counter. It'll stupid, reckless, (everything he ever told you not to be) to let him touch you like that. But it won't be just that, you'll be touching _him _too. Relishing in the soft noises he makes in response.

It'll be over all too soon and you'll know you should feel repulsed at yourself but you won't.

He'll tell you he loves you.

You'll wonder if there's enough of him left to save.

**Here is the problem with loving Grant Ward.  
**  
Deathlok will put a device in his chest that will give him a heart attack. Ward will fall to floor and gasp and pant and writhe and look at you as he holds onto life. You'll be given the choice, decrypt the hard drive or let him die. You'll consider for a moment, as long as you dare, before giving in. You'll decrypt the drive for them, watching the man who used to be Mike Peterson look at the recovering Ward without emotion, without pity.

Maybe he'll know something you won't.

**Here is the problem with loving Grant Ward.  
**  
When Hydra agents board the plane, he'll transform. Gone will be the warm smiles and soft laughs you associate with him and him alone. Gone will be the love in his eyes that'd been there when he'd held your body against his, just hours ago on a near-empty Bus. He'll give you to men who will handcuff you and throw you in the interrogation room that seems horribly ironic because it's where your life with S.H.I.E.L.D. began.

He'll bring you food, and it'll be back. The love, the adoration, the bits that make him _Ward. _

You won't be fooled though. You'll know you'll never see it when he's around the other Hydra agents. He'll give empty smiles and charm and follow Garrett around like a lost puppy until they love him like his team used to. His _real _team.

You'll know better than to think he'll ever do this, kiss you like his life depends on it, in front of _them. _He'll only do that here, in the dim light of the place you first saw him.

**Here is the problem with loving Grant Ward.**

He'll be furious when Coulson comes to rescue you. He'll beat the man senseless until you beg and beg him to stop, swearing to remain with him no matter what if he'll _just let him go!_

He truly won't understand why you're angry with him. He'll pace the room and yell and scream until his voice is hoarse, and when you try and settle him down, he'll push you up against the wall. When he kisses you that time, it won't be as loving as it was before, it'll be brutal and demanding and a little bit scary. And then he'll wrap his arms around you, trembling, and apologize over and over. He'll tell you he was just scared of you leaving him, and that he loves you.

Within the hour, he'll be called by Garrett, and you'll see his eyes change before he leaves the room, taking another piece of you with him.

**This is the problem with loving Grant Ward. **

When rescue comes for you, you'll feel like you're losing your mind, because all you'll be able to picture is how hurt he'll be that you left him after you promised you wouldn't.

Coulson will reason that your tears as the product of fear of your safety and relief at freedom. He'll be wrong. They'll be because you _know _that you shouldn't want to stay, to remain a prisoner under a man who is by all rights a lunatic, but you will. Because Grant will need you. He'll have told you so during his middle of the night visits to your cell. He'll have breathed it into your skin as he all but forced himself into you, being forceful and so unlike the first time.

You'll only calm down when you see that they've taken him prisoner. And then you'll break down all over again when you see how betrayed he looks.

**Here is the problem with loving Grant Ward.  
**  
When he's locked under the new S.H.I.E.L.D. base, you'll let yourself be happy. You will throw caution to the wind and kiss the man with the blonde hair and the kind blue eyes who has promised to never hurt you. Hewill let you make love to him the way Ward never allowed, where neither of you is controlling the other and you both are just _feeling_. You'll let yourself fall in love with him, into the joy that comes with being with someone who won't flee the room after spilling inside you. He will be enough.

**Here is the problem with loving Grant Ward.  
**  
He'll escape the prison S.H.I.E.L.D. has made for him. He'll be furious when he finds out that you've been with someone else. He'll take you with him when he flees, and toss you onto a cracked stone floor somewhere you've never been before. He'll call you a whore and a slut before taking you right then and there on the ground simply because he can. And then he'll hold your body tightly against his, sobbing apologies into your skin. _I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I love you so much. Please don't forget that. I'm sorry. I love you. I love you. I love you. _

You'll wait until he's asleep, find your clothes, and run.

You'll hear him screaming your name into the night after he realizes you're gone.

You won't turn back.

**Here is the problem with loving Grant Ward. **

He'll find you before you get to safety.

He'll knock you to the ground and beat you until all you'll know is pain and all you taste is blood. He force himself into you and tear you apart from the inside out until you can't even scream anymore. Until you're truly scared of him for the first time, and you'll know he can't be saved.

He'll leave you lying there on the forest floor, shaking, crying, and broken.

You'll wish you'd let Deathlok kill him that night on the plane.

**Here is the problem with loving Grant Ward.  
**  
You'll be safe one day. You'll hide. You'll go to the blonde man with the kind blue eyes. You'll let him kiss you in all the places _he _used to, until you can't remember the taste of Grant Ward or the feel of his mouth. You'll let him erase all the pain and fear and guilt until you think you can remember what love felt like.

You'll let the man with the blue eyes and the shield be _your _shield against him. You'll let him beat your former S.O. to a pulp for hurting you, and you'll enjoy seeing it. You'll stop the good Captain from killing him, just so you can kiss him and run your hand through his blond hair for Ward to see. You'll smile at the fury in his eyes before he runs back to whatever hole he came out of.

**Here is the problem with loving Grant Ward.  
**  
You'll know he'll never stop. You're not stupid, you'll know that the end will never be the end, and that he'll always be back for you. And then there'll be a swell in your stomach and a baby girl with her father's blue eyes and your dark hair, and you'll have no doubt that the good man you fell in love with will kill Ward if he ever even tries to touch your or your family again. You won't be bothered by that.

**Here is the problem with loving Grant Ward. **

You don't anymore.

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**So yeah. I put a bit of Steve Rogers/Skye in there because I will go down with that ship.**

**As always, reviews are more than welcome, and thanks for even taking the time to read it. :D**

**~TheFallenArchangel**


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